G-Spot News: Welcome to the New GSpotNews Site!

So where is the g-spot. Well finding the G Spot is not an exact science. The G-spot is located about 1.5 to 3 inches inside the vagina on the upper wall. When aroused it’s about the size of a walnut, usually a bit longer than it is wide. The position of the G-spot makes it impossible for most women to get a finger to it, but a partner should be able to feel it by inserting one or two fingers into the vagina after she is aroused. The palm of the hand should be up if the woman is on her back, and down if she is on her front; initially finding the spot may be easier if the woman lies on her front. The partner should be able to feel the G-spot with their fingers as a small lump in the vaginal wall. The G-Spot will feel somewhat bumpy and not as smooth as other areas of the vaginal wall. The G-spot is a mass of glandular tissue, known as the paraurethral glands, and nerves. The G-spot lies between the urethra and the vagina, and is not actually a part of the vagina. Normally it’s unnoticeable, but as a woman becomes aroused the area swells, making it possible to feel it through the vaginal wall. Once the spot has been located, it can be stimulate by moving your fingers in very small circles, or by doing a “come hither” motion with your fingers. Initial stimulation of the G-spot often causes the woman to experience a sudden and strong feeling of needing to urinate; this feeling soon passes, and may be replaced by pleasant and arousing feelings. While all women seem to be able to feel stimulation of the G-spot, their response to it varies. Some women can orgasm from G-spot stimulation alone, others can’t. Some women have strong orgasms from a combination of G-spot and clitoral stimulation, and some women have powerful orgasms when having intercourse in positions which stimulate the G-spot. Other women don’t find G-spot stimulation particularly enjoyable. The most popular sex positions for stimulating the G-spot are the Women-on-top position which allows the women to align herself for maximum pressure on the G-spot. The Doggie-Style position also allows for a wide range of positions to reach the desired alignment. Visit Female G Spot to read more on useful and accurate information on the G-spot.

Using a variety of positions when having sex can serve many purposes. With each position we can achieve different goals. Some positions increase intimacy while others provide us with deep penetration, stimulation of the G-spot or unleashing of animalistic passions. Some may be used to prolong an erection or extend our lovemaking session, while others can provide us with a quickie. Some positions are more pleasurable for a male and others are more pleasurable for the female. The best lovemaking session will incorporate a variety of positions at just the right time for each partner as if dancing in perfect synchronicity. Although there may be times now and then when we want to focus on one particular position such as when we are experimenting with something new or if we just want a quickie. The following three positions in this particular order is a great scenario that meets the needs for both male and female and helps us achieve numerous goals in one session. 1. Missionary- By beginning with missionary this builds us up to the next phase of excitement. It provides us with a lot of intimacy because in this position we can look into one another’s eyes, kiss, or touch each other’s face. It provides us with a sense of closeness and heightens our desire. With some adjustments and maneuvers of legs and torso we can achieve different areas of stimulation. 2. Woman on Top-After reaching a plateau in the missionary position the female can then gracefully roll the male over on his back and mount him. Woman on top position gives the female complete power in satisfying herself. On top she can stimulate her clitoris and her G-spot with proper maneuvering. This position also provides the male with excitement of watching his woman be in control and the opportunity to observe her facial expressions while she climaxes, which can be very arousing for him. The woman can either slide back and forth slowly or ride him like a wild horse. 3. Doggy Style- Once the woman has satisfied herself, the male can then gracefully move behind his woman and enters her from behind. After watching and feeling his lover climax he will probably be on the edge of orgasm himself. Doggy style switches the power over to the male. He is now in complete control of the pace and depth. He will also have a nice view of his lover’s buttocks and of his penis sliding in and out of her. This position allows for very deep thrusting and penetration, which will have him at climax very quickly. By becoming a connoisseur of positions we can increase the variety of sensations we experience, enhance our level of satisfaction and pleasure and be viewed as a skilled and exciting lover by our partner. It can help us maintain a sense of newness and excitement in the relationship and maintain the sizzle and spark.

The G-spot is a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina. It is located behind the pubic bone within the front wall of the vagina, about two to three inches deep. When your lover is sexually-excited it becomes more pronounced. Hence it is essential that your lover is well aroused before attempting to find her G-spot.

Have your lover lie down on her back with her legs apart. Ensure that your fingernails are cut short and your hands are clean. With palm facing upwards push your middle finger into your lover’s vagina up to the first knuckle, moving your finger in small circles. Needless to say, your lover’s vagina should be well lubricated

Push your finger in deeper, about three inches, continuing the circular motions. Just behind the pubic bone you should find a soft, almost “mushy” area. Press your finger firmly upwards against this area, not too hard but not too soft either. Ask your lover how it feels. If she says she doesn’t feel anything move your finger slightly, either deeper, or less deep. If she still doesn’t feel anything try pressing harder.

One of the reasons a lot of men (and women) can’t find the G-spot is because they only touch it or don’t press hard enough. The G-spot responds to pressure, not just touch. It lies deep within the vaginal wall so firm pressure is often needed.

Once you’ve found the G-spot she’ll know, and you’ll know too!

Back in ‘93, I was dating a 22 year old woman who had never had an orgasm. She did have one long term boyfriend, so I knew that intercourse or oral would not do the trick. So I just took my time finding what would feel good for her. With my middle finger I searched for her “g” spot, but received no response. Then I decided to slide my finger in as far along the front wall of her vagina as I could. At its greatest depth, the inner diameter of the vagina increases. This area is no longer spongy, but instead smooth and firm, with slight horizontal ribbing. I curled the tip of my finger in a “come hither” manner, while pressing hard against the ribbing and slightly pulling down. She immediately responded to this. After continuing this for a few minutes, she had a concerned look on her face. Then the most wonderful thing happened. I watched the face of this beautiful woman while, for the first time in her life, she had an orgasm. That was sweet. She then breathlessly said “David, kiss me!” Eventually she was able to orgasm readily in any manner. According to Gray’s Anatomy, this area is called the “cavity of the cervix.” This area is shaped like the underside of a Frisbee, with the cervix in the center pointing downward. Imagine the way you hold a Frisbee. Your fingertips touch the inside edge of the Frisbee. Curl the tip of your finger down the inside edge of the Frisbee in a “come hither” manner. Later I was seeing a woman who had only had orgasms with the aid of continual direct clitoral stimulation. Basically, she had only had clitoral orgasms. I used the deep spot on her, and within a few minutes she exclaimed: “Oh David, I’m gonna come! I have NEVER come this way! Oh, I’m gonna COME!” and she did, her very first vaginal orgasm. After a few evenings of awakening her vagina (by stimulating less of the deep spot and more of the wall of the vagina) she was able to readily orgasm in intercourse. Because the uterus is slightly tilted towards the front, the cavity of the cervix is also slightly tilted. The Frisbee is lower in the front and higher in the back. The entire inside edge of the Frisbee, all the way around, is sensitive. Another variation to this is to get her on her hands and knees and go in along the back wall of her vagina. Go in as deep as possible. Along the back it is deeper because the Frisbee is tilted. Curl the tip of your finger as if to press hard against her tail bone. Repeat. To her it will feel as if she is getting butt fucked. Some women find this very exciting and will experience a very powerful orgasm. I did this to one woman as she held the bathroom sink. When she was coming I thought she was going to rip the sink right off the wall. After she caught her breath, and checked for broken finger nails, she told me that she just had the most powerful orgasm of her life. “That was the grand daddy of ‘em all!” When you massage the deep spot, do it firmly. As you massage the back of the deep spot, you are simulating the “ballooning” that occurs in this area at the time of her orgasm. As you massage any area of the deep spot, you are simulating the muscle contractions that occur at the time of her orgasm to dilate the cervix. She can’t HELP but come! The deep spot has one important benefit over the clitoris. The problem with the clitoris is that after a few seconds of an orgasm, it becomes so painfully sensitive that it cannot be further stimulated. The deep spot does not have this problem. The deep spot is one way to give a woman a very sustained orgasm. Besides, these natural muscle contractions continue to occur for some time after an orgasm anyway. Another alternative to this is to let her lie face up. Use two fingers, your index finger and your middle finger. Keep the tips of your two fingers about an inch apart as you rub firmly against the front of her deep spot. I did some research and found that Chee Ann Chua, a Malaysian marriage counselor, published a paper called the “a-spot” in 1997 in “The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.” The text basically says: “The Anterior Fornix of the vagina is located on the front wall of the vagina just below the cervix. It is about 3/4 of an inch to 1 1/2 inches long. Its borders are not well defined. The texture is smooth, unlike the G-Spot. If you place the tip of your finger over the cervix, and move it down a bit, staying on the front wall, your fingertip will be on the anterior fornix. Stimulate in a circular motion. If you move down too far, you will feel the texture change. That will mean that your finger tip is no longer in the right place.” This is the front of “the deep spot.” But, as I said above, the deep spot is sensitive all the way around, and, it should be stroked by bending the tip of the finger in a “come hither” fashion while at the same time pulling down. But the most powerful way to stimulate the vagina is at the back of the deep spot. Get the tip of your middle finger way in deep along the back of the vagina. Stroke against the back of the vagina in a ‘come hither’ manner. When she gets really excited, the deep back of the vagina will begin to pocket. Press the tip of your middle finger against the back of the pocket, and with the pad of your finger, press down on the PC muscle, which will be contracting so hard that it will feel like it is going to break your finger. But drive on hard. It will drive her crazy. So, I enlisted my willing love lab subject (my girlfriend) and I set out to rate the various “spots.” Here are the actual anecdotal findings of the experiment in increasing order of efficacy: g-spot “good” a-spot with circular stimulation “MUCH better” front of deep spot with come hither stroking “Oh Yes” back of deep spot with come hither stroking “OH God” back of deep spot with long and forceful stroking “OH DAVID” David Shade

The G-spot is a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina. It was discovered in 1950 by the gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg.

For a while not many people actually believed the G-spot existed. Then in 1978 a book called “The G Spot ” by Alice K. Ladas, Beverly Whipple and John D. Perry was published. This confirmed existence of the G-spot. Today sexologists believe every woman has a G-spot.

It is thought that the G-spot is either a bundle of nerves coming from the clitoris or a gland or series of glands that produces lubrication. It is also thought to be analogous to the prostate gland in men. When unstimulated the G-spot is about the size of a bean. When your lover is aroused it becomes more pronounced.

The G-spot is located behind the pubic bone within the front wall of the vagina, about two to three inches deep. The important thing to note is that the G-spot responds to pressure, not just touch.

Because the G-spot is close to the bladder stimulating the G-spot may result in a feeling of needing to urinate. This feeling my last anywhere from a few seconds to up to thirty seconds.

Here are some sexual positions that are good for G-spot stimulation.

Doggy style

This is a good position as the head of the penis is pointed directly at the G-spot.

Lap

While sitting on the edge of a couch or a bed have your lover sit on your lap, facing you. Her legs should be either wrapped around your waist.

Standing with her lying down

Stand facing a bed, desk, or something similar. Have your lover lie down in front of you. Her pelvis should be about one foot lower than yours. Place your lover’s feet on your shoulders. Now have her tilt her pelvis so it forms a straight line where your crotches meet. Put your hands underneath her buttocks so you can hold her at that angle.

Men are like switches, turn on/turn off. It is quite basic really. Men are turned on so easily that before women can get anywhere close, the man is done and ready to go to sleep. It has been shown that men achieve an orgasm, within a few minutes of starting, where women need a good 15-20 minutes afterwards. 58% of women say that foreplay was the most satisfying sexual activity, and 65% of women say the foreplay is the one aspect that they wished their partners paid more attention to. So this tip will be on the issue of Foreplay. For a change in pace, start foreplay early in the morning before going to work, when you wake up, try to before she does, gently kiss and caress her all over, trying hard not to put yourself in the mood to quickly. Remember, this is for her. Let her enjoy you. Women have to work up to that finishing moment, so let’s help them along. Gently wake her up, suggest taking a shower together, if she approves, you do the washing. Slowly wash her entire body; you may also try massaging her as well. Take your time, be sensual, this is the key. Don’t rush into anything. Get out of the shower, and dry her off. Now you both can get ready for work. Call her a few times at/or from work, tell her you love her, maybe send her flowers, this is especially good if she works. Nothing makes them fell special than receiving flowers in front of all their co-workers. When you both return from work, have her get ready. This maybe as simple as taking a bath, unwinding from work, or simply just talking with you. This is where your partner will be starting to make a nice sensual dinner. Usually make it simple, while it’s cooking, set the mood of the house, place and light candles throughout the house, especially in the bedroom. If it wasn’t made in the morning, make the bed, clean up the bedroom, and if available, light a few scented candles to help set the sensual mood you are trying to make. By this time, your partner should be well on her way. Now is the time where you eat, by candle light. Take it slow, pillow talk her, which is always good. Women love pillow talk. Try feeding each other, don’t make it dirty, and make it sensual. Remember men are too impatient and too orgasm-oriented. Make her feel like this is her night. Now take it to the bedroom. Guide her, stroke her body while you make your way to the bedroom, and softly kiss her, you could also ask her to guide you at this point. She knows where she likes to be touched, let her show you. This shows that you are here for her pleasure, and you only want to pleasure her at this moment. Don’t worry you will get yours. We just want to make sure she gets hers too. While you are caressing her, whisper sweet dirty talk in her ear, tell her she is the most beautiful woman you know. After you get to the point of no return, let your imaginations flow freely. She is half way there, and you are just getting started. So now is the time that you can shine. Oral sex would be good here, don’t be too quick about it either, when time is taken to stimulate the vaginal area while paying very close attention to the stimulation of the G-Spot. This will drive her so wild, that she will want nothing better than to return the favor to you and thus your lovemaking will be a lot more fulfilling. And now that your foreplay is over and you and your partner are satisfied beyond all repairs, now you will be ready to duplicate this for weeks to come. But remember now, you will want to change things up a bit and make it exciting each time you want to do your foreplay before sex.

So finding the g-spot is on your to do list. Well you should, the G-Spot is the most powerful and mysterious of all the erogenous zones. While some say that it doesn’t exist, while others say it is a region of the anterior wall of the vagina that is sensitive to the touch. The G-Spot was named after Ernst Grafenberg, who was a German gynecologist who discovered it in the 1940’s, which was found while researching birth control. The G-Spot is defined as a group of nerve endings, blood vessels and glands around a women’s urethra on the inside, front wall of her vagina. When the women is aroused the G-spots swells up and protrudes, until it feels like a fleshy knob. Finding the G-spot shouldn’t be all that hard right, check it out, but remember that it may not exist in your partner. So don’t think there is anything wrong when you can’t find it. But if you are still interested in finding the allusive G-spot there are two ways to attempt to locate it. The first way to locate it is to have your partner lay down on a bed with her hips under some pillows. Stimulate her clitoris, and when she becomes really aroused slip in two fingers into her vagina, while keeping your palm up so that your fingers can brush the front, upper wall of the vagina. If the G-spot can be located it will feel like a small bean shaped piece of flesh. When stimulated, the orgasms are a lot more intense than a regular orgasm. Certain sex positions allow a better stimulation of the G-Spot, especially the ones where your partners on top or rear entry, so that the penis is able to contact the inner walls of the vagina stimulating the G-Spot better. So what is the G-Spot, some say it is a bunch of pipes that help drain the urethra, some even say that it is an undeveloped female prostate gland, but since the prostate is a male gland, hormones never helped the prostate to mature in women. Like men, the prostate is very sensitive to erotic touch, and when furthered examined, the females too had a gland very similar to the male prostate. Blood test where used to detect the two substances of the male prostate gland, and the results found that in 2/3 of the women examined the same substances were found in them as well. So, can it be said that the G-Spot is nothing more than an undeveloped female prostate gland that never matured due to the fact that it needs a male hormone to fully mature. So if it is nothing more than an undeveloped prostate gland, why do women have it? I believe it helps bridge the gap that the male and female bodies are more in tune with one another than previously thought.

Hi Everyone! Do any of you like to be daring at times? I know that I do when I get a certain type of twitch (LOL). Well, last week was one of those times. My hubby (he is such a loveable teddy bear he he!) and I went to the lake and hung out at this little lakeside bar and grill. Beautiful sunshine, lots of margaritas, very nice speed boats (docked), and plenty of young hard barely covered bodies of both genders. WOW! What a mix to get the juices flowing (giggle). Well, let me explain how my body was reacting. I was wearing a lite short summer dress and after some drinking, some dancing, and my god the viewing; I could not take it any more. By the time we left, my body was so hot and moist that you would have thought that I was wearing wool pants. I knew that there was no way of making it back home without getting this itch scratched (laugh). Since hubby had to drive (and he loves to watch me play anyway, he he!) it was time to pull something out of my to go bag. With a fair amount of traffic and not wanting to be to obvious, something of a more discreet nature is just what the doctor ordered. I chose the dual bullets. These clit stimulators come in various forms such as bullets, eggs, torpedoes, bears, dolphins, etc. They come in single or dual form and if you like high-tech, they have some with remote control, computer control, or some that can be controlled by phone. Now that is that I call phone sex! (laugh) There are various ways to use these critters. Single stimulators can be used to energize and stimulate the clitoris alone or while using a dildo or dong. It can be inserted to stimulate your g-spot. Whew, I am starting to perspire just thinking about it. The dual models are even more exciting. You can insert and stimulate all at the same time. If you are using a dildo you can stimulate the clitoris and the anus at the same time. That is what I call a three-way - giggle! I think you get the gist of these little critters and now on to the rest of my story. Now, you have to realize that I had never used these critters before and was not sure what to expect. I started by raising my dress just a little (so hubby could get a little glimpse and then inserted one bullet inside my thong underwear on top of my clitoris. Then I turned on the bullet slowly. Oooh, you really don’t know how good that felt. After a few moments, I slowly inserted the other bullet inside of me, moving it toward the g-spot. When I turned that one on, I literally thought that I was going to go through the roof. With all the squirming and gyrating that my lower body was doing and with my nipples starting to pop, hubby was about to bust his shorts open (giggle). By the time, I increased the speed of the bullets to two, I climaxed to a degree that was incredible. My thighs and butt muscles tensed up to the point of almost cramping. I felt as though I had run ten miles in less than ten minutes. Which, by the way, was about the time it took for those critters to work. This type of toy is something that no woman should be without. They will give you one hell of a rush. OH HUBBY! - He could not stand much more so, I gave him a little oral treat during the remaining drive.

Is it OK to fake an Orgasm?

Is there something wrong with a woman that has not experienced an orgasm?

These are a couple of questions that I have been getting asked more and more, so I thought why not address them through my articles? As much as I have written this for my ladies, men you can benefit from reading this little bit of info also!

There is nothing physically wrong with women that have not experienced the big O! They simply just have not learned how. It is very much a mental exercise as well as physical. Way back when…, we were taught that it was a bad thing to touch ourselves (masturbate). That was a big wrong turn for a lot of women. I have read a lot of letters from women that tell me that they were in their late 20`s before they ever experienced an orgasm, one that they would consider an orgasm anyway. This is why I express over and over, ladies learn about YOUR BODY! Orgasms are very connected to ones mind when dealing with the female. If you are worried or tired or feeling a bit at odds with your partner, that door is definitely going to be locked, even nailed shut. It will take some work and patience to find the key to open up that mind trap.

Too many women spend way too much time worrying about orgasms. Worry only puts up the walls that will totally disable your mind to relax and float. Think of watching and waiting for water to boil. By the time it has boiled you have lost interest. Or when you are trying to call someone and the line is forever busy, that just frustrates you to no end. If you would have just carried on with something else at the time, the water would have boiled before you knew it, the phone line would be cleared, and you would be frustration free! Orgasms work in very much the same way. Do not think about them. Do prepare for them, feel your body call them, desire them, fantasize, open your mind up to a total zone of passion. Pure thoughtless passion!

Some women feel that if they do not orgasm, their partner will feel that they have failed them, or vice verse. (GUILT) There is absolutely no room for guilt or shyness in the arena of sex! This is one of the reasons women FAKE the O! It does not do any real physical harm to fake most things in life. The only one that is losing out though, is you. You are fooling no one but yourself. Then you end up feeling even worse because you pretended at a time when you should be open and real.

There is also the time thing. Women are in need of more stimulation and time to relax and be able to find their zone. Men tend to think that five minutes is just super…NOT…so ladies this is where communication comes into play. You must tell your man that NO, I am not there yet. I know this sounds bossy, but most men hardly ever have a problem telling the women what to do in bed and when to not stop. Also ladies please tell your man to do like the yellow pages commercial, “Let your fingers do the walking”. Women like and need the finger play. Also ladies if your man is just down there asap…tell him to slow down. This can also throw women off when they are feeling rushed.

When you are close to your partner and feel that sex is in the air, enjoy even just the kiss at first. I mean really enjoy just the kiss. Allow your body to warm up and get your juices flowing. Or really feel his touches, and listen to your partners voice when he says your name. If he never says your name, tell him too. He will oblige immediately. Tell him you want to hear him admire your body. A women on the norm has a hard time verbalizing what she likes. This is just because we were raised to be nice girls. Well, TALK! You will be surprised at how much more relaxed you become and excited once you can talk to your partner about touching where and how. Tell your partner to join you in that little game. A women’s body will react very nicely if you just allow the feelings of a kiss to penetrate you.

Another turn on for you ladies is to touch yourself while your partner watches. Yes, you will love it once you allow him into your world. He will not say no to that request. To see or hear how excited he gets watching you enjoying your body is another very big turn on for you. This is also a very good way to keep your mind away from the, “will I or won`t I” question. Think of anything but the ultimate O!

G-spot orgasms are pretty easy to reach. We can get there as easy as men have the ability to get hard. To get there just tell your man to do the, “walking”. Or take his hand and guide him down to where your body is wanting his touch. G-Spot orgasms feel nice and they are basically our juice fountain, that is when we get very wet. This is when your body prepares for penetration.

It is the clitoral Orgasm that most women are after. Those ones will shake your ground. But again, these are mind connected. I will say I am speaking for the norm of women. Every women is different to a degree, but we are basically after the same thing. We all want to feel that intense vibration and the total body rush that runs through our body. It is an adrenaline rush like no other. To know we have that kind of control in our minds and bodies also boosts our self-esteem! That my Ladies is a very good thing!

Some women are sensitive enough that they will react instantly to a touch. That is not always that good. Her orgasm at that point will be quick and over before she even gets to really appreciate it. The longer it takes to reach that ,”O” Zone, the more intense the orgasm. That is another reason you want to learn to control your body. Eventually you will be able to tell your mind when and where!

A very, very good way to learn about your body is to bring yourself to orgasm. I tell women that all the time. You need to know and be able to connect with your own mind before you can allow someone to do it for you. Once you can learn to control your minds ability to fantasize or totally zone out, your body will follow naturally. Ladies again, it is so important to learn this because it keeps your mind off whether or not the O is going to happen. Once you have learned about your body, you will be able to bring that O on yourself just with your mind. A little hand stimulation is also your minds best friend here. You will know how much stimulation you will need at the time. You will eventually know your entire body`s secret passages to feeling. Yes! Very yummy. So my words here, are to get to know your secrets.. and HAVE FUN!

Remember Ladies, men are not born with your road map to orgasm. First you need to draw it for him. Then show it to him. From there it is totally the big,” O” every time. This is my recipe to the one thing that women can do over and over again, without a rest period. Ha!! Sorry guys, we were born that way.

Is YOUR wife one of the growing number of “cheating wives” in the US? Is she going to be? What’s good for the gander is now good for the goose, according to recent studies. The number of cheating wives is growing, and may soon equal the number of cheating husbands. You need to know the signs, because you can’t stop her if you don’t know she’s doing it. You also need to know the preventatives, because prevention is the very best cure. WHY IS SHE CHEATING? 1. Opportunity. With working outside the home, working out, travel and the Internet, “when there’s a will there’s a MUCH easier way.” 2. Desire + Permission. You can’t hit a website these days without reading about the G-spot, Astroglide, and multiple orgasms. Women now have the same permission as men to be into their sexuality. 3. She wants to be driven wild with desire and you don’t know how to do it. Women’s desire and arousal aren’t connected like a man’s. In fact, the company that makes ViagraR has finally given up trying to make a similar pill for women, after years of research. As someone said, men are like microwaves and women are like conventional ovens, they need to be preheated. 4. You aren’t establishing the emotional connection that primes the preheating. Too close, too much time together, and you smother one another. Too distant, too little time with her, and she’ll look elsewhere. 5. Your relationship isn’t sensual enough. For more information on why to sensualize your relationship and practical instructions on how to, see my e-manual. “Sensualizing Your Relationship.” 6. You aren’t showing and expressing your appreciation. If she’s interested in it, and you can afford it, get it for her. 7. You’re saying too many negative things about her and the relationship. Say three positive things for every negative thing. You guys are supposedly great at rule-based systems, so plug that formula in and use it. It’s the Magic Formula. 8. You haven’t developed your empathy. You can’t tell her feelings and intentions. This is a big “not good” one. 9. You chose wrong in the first place, and need to figure out why. WHAT ARE THE SIGNS? 1. She’s losing weight and sprucing up her appearance. New hairstyle, nails, new clothes. 2. Change in style of dress. She’s accommodating to a new man’s taste, or he’s buying her new things. 3. New lingerie you aren’t getting to see, but it’s there in the lingerie drawer. 4. Phone calls at odd times. When you answer, they hang up. 5. A huge change in the landline phone bill, and/or cell phone bill. 6. She’s become distant. Seems distracted. Talks to you less in general. 7. She’s lax about your comings and goings. She doesn’t care what you’re up to any more. 8. Less arguments. Her mind is elsewhere. The same things don’t matter to her any more. (In this case, less “nagging” is not a good sign.) 9. She stays away from the house and has suspicious reasons for doing so. 10. She suddenly has to work late and weekends all the time. 11. She’s weakened relations with her parents, spending less time with them, less visits, saying less. Same with girlfriends. 12. You come home early and find a babysitter. (Let’s hope you don’t find the lover.) 13. You find telltale things in the glove box and trunk of the car; fancy lingerie, notes, cards, phone numbers. 14. Flowers arriving at the house. She says they’re from her boss, a colleague or a friend. 15. Unaccountable charges on your credit cards. 16. You’re over budget. She’s asking for more money. People having an affair spend money. They buy gifts for their lover, go to motels, rent cars, travel. Women do this just as much as men. 17. Disappearing to spend time on the Internet. A good way to meet people or to conduct an affair. 18. Strange emails. If you have joint email, check it out. 19. Changes in the children’s behaviour. Children don’t miss what’s going on. 20. Change in your sex life. More interest in variety in sex and new things. She’s learning something new from the new guy. Or she’s no longer interested in sex with you. 21. Lapses in routines. She’s no longer that interested when you track in mud, whether you drop your dirty clothes on the floor, or working in her garden. Studies show that many people who have affairs aren’t interested in leaving their spouses. If you catch the signs early, you can do something about it. A good, supportive marital relationship can generally bear the strain of temptation. It goes without saying it relies on emotional intelligence and relationship skills. Women particularly need the emotional connection, and sensual time as well as sexual. One key to a marriage that will last is if the couple can sense when one another is sad. Can you tell when she is? If not, work on your EQ. It’s empathy, an EQ competency. Another sign is when the number of positive things they say about each other and relationship outnumber the negative things. All couples have problems, but attitude and relationship skills can tip the balance. If you’re saying, “It’s not that bad yet,” look again. Why would you wait until it IS that bad. Desire comes from arousal with women when there is intimacy and emotional connection. You know this, and if you’re ignoring it, you may be re-reading those 21 signs and adding some more of your own. I hear men say all the time, “I had no idea she was unhappy. She just walked out one day.” This sort of “cluelessness” is probably what made her wander in the first place. She may have been telling you all along something was wrong and you weren’t hearing it (selective listening). All of this can be addressed by working on your emotional intelligence. If you’re not good at reading her feelings and intention, this can be fatal to your relationship with your wife. The good news is you can learn Emotional Intelligence, and improve your relationship and chances of being cheated on. If you don’t want your wife to cheat on you, get smart. Get EMOTIONALLY smart!

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